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December 16th, 2009

Musical Magic?

So I think I have rebellion issues… I am an Instrumental Music Education Major.  I have graduated and though I’m not teaching right now, I could (if I lived in Utah).  So anyway, I have a really difficult time having a desire to be labeled “musical” at church…  I have a really good reason for this and it comes to disliking being sprung upon for “instantaneous musical numbers” at the drop of the hat.  Yes, I really can do it, but do I want to?  Not really.

So for the primary program the primary chorister was so scared of “A Child’s Prayer” and getting the kids to sing two parts at once that I told her I could help if she needed it.  She took this as a volunteer to sing a duet with the kids.  It actually turned out nice.  There were four darling girls from the Spanish Branch that sang the first part and I sang the lower part (now I’m like a rock-star to those girls which is kind of fun).

Well, since I sung a primary song, everyone in the ward has decided that I can sing. Hmmm… yes, I have been in choirs and sung lots and lots but there is a real huge reason why I chose instrumental over vocal which I may get more into at a later date.

I got an invitation when I got back from Thanksgiving to sing in a “special group” for the ward Christmas program.  It was actually mailed to me and seemed like something fun to do while I wait for this baby to bake and one way to actually get out of the house when Jared is home so I can just be me.

So I went to the first practice, the pieces are easy so it’s not a big deal.  Then the choir director hands me a piece of music afterwards for me to play a violin solo.  *cough* Wonderful!  I now have a reason to practice while I’m feeling like I’m being punished from the inside out…

Last night I went to the last practice before the day and the choir director looks at me and announces to everyone (including me…surprise!) that I’m going to sing one of the verses as a solo!  Thanks for the warning.  I may have musical training but really…do I want to play a solo and sing one too?  Good grief!!

And what in the world do you say when everyone is there and listening to you get a part in such a manner?  I feel really stuck and unprepared, annoyed and kind of put upon.  So I sang the part to practice and then he starts making comments about my breathing…etc.  “Ahem, I am 36 weeks pregnant.  I am being kicked in various places at random moments”.  He looked at me in a funny way.  You know, I doubt that a woman who has ever been pregnant would even suggest that I be in the program at all.

Everyone keeps telling me not to “pop” yet…until after the program.  I’m not worried, I’ve had braxton hicks like crazy almost every night but Christian was late so I figure I’m a slow baker.  What I do feel like is that I’m a giant belly walking around rather than a woman who just happens to be pregnant.  I guess people just want something to say to me so they feel it’s okay to make annoying comments about how “ready” I look or that “you’re making them nervous just watching you touch your belly” (not that I haven’t heard it a dozen times a day when I go out in public).  The touching my stomach one bugs me the most, there’s not really a reason why me touching my stomach should make them nervous (it really means I’m just trying to breath since my baby loves putting her feet in my ribs), it’s not like I’m suddenly going to drop on the floor and birth my baby right there.

Sorry for the rant, hopefully everything will go well on Sunday and then I won’t have to think about singing or performing for months and months because once my baby gets here, I’m taking a hiatus from such things because though music may sound “magical” it’s not really magic to put together…. it’s mostly just focused effort.

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